The Missing Link

The Indian Classical art field is a great pioneer of selflessness, the dissolving of the ‘self’ and the ‘ego’ to be able to create and share art in a pure manner, whether music or dance.

But as an artist progresses on the path of time, there does come a point where, after having sufficiently been obedient and trying to dissolve the ‘I’, the ‘I’ is the only thing that looms large as a question mark. It is a strange paradox; and without that ‘I’, there seems to be no path further which could probably lead to an ‘I’ lessness.

Scott McCloud is one of the new Gods I have discovered in the haven of art, through his brilliant book ‘Understanding Comics – the invisible art’.  

There I discovered what had been missing in my Bharathanatyam journey.

McCloud, though talking essentially of comics, does touch on various things which are common to all art forms. One of them was the 6 step path – a path which every artist, either consciously or unconsciously, and not necessarily in the same order, follows. It is – Surface, Craft, Structure, Idiom, Form, Idea/Purpose. Surface, Craft,and Structure are self explanatory. When an artist comes to a point where he thinks if she/he has something to say about life through art, or something to say about art itself, he is in the sphere of the idiom. From there, there are two choices or paths. ‘Form’ is where the artist begins to explore everything that the art form is capable of, ‘his art becomes his purpose’. They question the ‘fundamental laws that govern their chosen art’ (Ex - Stravinsky, Picasso, Virginia Woolf). On the other hand, If the artist chooses Idea/Purpose, then his art becomes a medium to express themselves. Here the art form is ‘used’ to express the full potential of their ideas. ('Ex – Dickens, Woody Guthrie,etc').

This was fantastic. Everything made sense now, and I knew exactly where I was falling behind.

I am performing, as part of the residency outreach, at least once a week. As a pleasant change, these being in a university setting, I also had the opportunity to speak to the students and answer their questions. Strangely, this talking felt more like dancing that dancing itself. It was because I was putting ‘I’ in it. I was not just repeating what I knew, but also shared my own opinions, findings, and ideas. Something that had been missing in the actual ‘dancing’. There I was repeating myself, without thinking, without analyzing why I was doing what I was doing, why those movements, and why those particular songs.

It is not just my fault, and it is definitely not Art form’s fault. Unlike classical ballet, classical Indian forms are solo oriented, which means that basically the dancer at some point has to become the choreographer, the director, the costume designer, the rehearsal coordinator, the marketing manager, the publicity manager, and, to top it all, the lead dancer on the d day. So much diversion of vital energy! It is not impossible and many dancers are doing it admirably, managing these different roles, but it does take some exemplary talent and creativity and organizational skill. Does seem a bit too hard on someone who wants to concentrate only on dancing. I do remember my earlier days when I would spend evening after evening listening to CD after CD of Classical songs, picking the ones that I thought I would really like to dance to, and then fumbling around with the lyrics. I had feelings and impulses in abundance, and they would take me halfway across the lake, but because of my lack of ‘awareness’, I would fail. I began to lose connection while dancing on stage. I could no longer relate to why I had so madly loved dancing to that particular kriti which now seemed so monotonous, both with its music and dance movements. And unfortunately, whatever baby ideas I had were never given a chance to develop and grow (read lack of opportunities for solo performances, lack of funding, and extreme frustration because of all this).

But that frustration lead me on to think what exactly choreography in Bharathanatyam meant, how exactly would I do it, what is it about certain dancers that moved me to tears, and what was it that I ultimately wanted to achieve as a dancer. 

It was still not enough, for I was yet questioning on the surface level. It took many more months of many shows that happened and many shows that did not happen that made me start thinking ‘why the hell am I exactly doing this?’  I had reached a stage where I had nothing else to look forward to, either internally or externally. And thankfully, because of this residency where I had no choice but to share my art through performances, it did begin to sink deeper as to what exactly I wanted from it if I did decide to continue with it (without the guilt of not doing it complete justice).

And here I am, with a replenished joy in dancing but still a bit apprehensive, not because of fear but because of a growing awareness that every movement mattered, every thought mattered, and every performance mattered. Not just in giving myself emotionally, but in actually thinking and knowing why I did what I did, what was I trying to say, what did I hope to say, and if there was something unique which ‘I’ as an individual could bring in to the art form.

So yes I have found the ‘I’, just beginning to discover what and why it wants to say, and I am pretty sure I do not want it dissolve. This ‘I’ needs to stay put and stay strong, if this journey is meant to bloom stronger.

Referance  -  'Understanding Comics - The Invisible Art' by Steve McCloud